A to Z of the highs and lows of 2011

Here is EAT’s traditional A to Z of the year, with grateful thanks to all the rogues and bureaucrats who have made our job such a joy during 2011.

We will be back on January 3 but will report any breaking news meanwhile on the EAT site. A very happy Christmas and New Year to everyone.

A is for Act for Freedom, a group of anarchists who smashed up the frontage of an agency in Bristol; it is also for Arson, with reports of someone with a penchant for setting fire to estate agents’ boards in Oxfordshire. Most of all, A is for Affordable, this year’s biggest buzzword. No, we don’t know what it means either, but it sounds great. A is also for Arts Columnist: EAT named Trevor Kent as our very first arts columnist but, alas, after his first review (of a play called Sold), his dispatches seem to have disappeared. There are rumours (emanating from the Palais de Danse in Gerrards Cross) that he is in training for the next series of Strictly.  

B is for Bobby Singh, alias Amerjit Dhuga, who sparked what some of our readers called the best soap in estate agency. Okay, the only soap. The boss of wli.uk.com was kicked out by the Ombudsman after he appeared in court admitting to 26 offences, including use of the TPO and OFT logos on the website of his West Bromwich estate agency. He told EAT that not being a member of the TPO has made not a jot of difference to his operations, and in fact he was going from strength to strength. Indeed, that still seems to be the case – take a look at the website of one of England’s finest estate agents and enjoy. https://wli.uk.com/Home.html

C is, of course, for Countrywide which got even bigger this year by acquiring Blundells. Rumour has it that next year it will return to the stock market.

D is for Douglas & Gordon. See U.

E is for EPCs, dull things which no one ever looks at, but over which successive governments and the EU (of course!) are showing signs of OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder). That’s enough of the initials, but bear with us. Plans to up the ante on EPCs by making agents print out large rainforests of trees appear to have been cut back, as obviously these would have cleared most of the Amazon: however, look out for changes next April (unless they change their minds again). E is also for Eric Walker, the straight-talking boss of Bushells in London, who has emerged as the new hero of property agents everywhere. Indeed, some are saying that Walker should be Mayor of London. Others are suggesting him for Prime Minister (with the bonus that he would declare war on Wales on day one).

F is for First-Time Buyers. Anyone seen one recently? F is also for Keith Fryer, arch-conman of estate agents, currently banged up after conning his own neighbours. And for Forebearance, which is when building societies and banks pretend that someone who has not paid their mortgage for the last 12 months is actually not the slightest problem and certainly not a national statistic.

G is for Google. The mighty Google decided it couldn’t compete with Rightmove and withdrew its property search. Google had decided to put its property search on maps and not on, er, search. Obvious really. Rightmove shares rebounded on the news. G is also for Guardian which ran an article saying that estate agents should be culled the same way as bankers. Isn’t it great that, in an uncertain world, the Guardian provides constancy?

H is for Horoscope. EAT did try one, but the outlook wasn’t that great, https://www.estateagenttoday.co.uk/oldeat_news_features/All-in-the-stars%3A-the-industrys-very-own-Horoscope. H is also for Hunters, the northern agency which bought Countrywide’s Bairstow Eves franchised branches, to a very mixed reception. H is also for Housing Strategy, newly announced by the Government and which largely consists of forcing first-time buyers to purchase a house from Barratt or Taylor Wimpey which will plunge in value five minutes later.

I is for the Information Commission, which sounds like something out of Russia and is better known as the data protection police. Three estate agents were prosecuted in 2011 for failing to register (and we’ve got your details).

J is for Jon Hunt. The most successful estate agent of all time has now bought a golf course (as you do).

K is for Kirstie, who had an unseemly Twitter spat with Melanie Bien. Kirstie said that Melanie looked as though she had appeared on breakfast TV after a heavy night out on the town (boo!). Melanie replied that she had indeed been up all night, but with a newborn baby (hoorah!). K is also for Ken, as in Livingstone, who wants to send all letting agents to jail forever and is proposing to run his own not-for-profit letting agency complete with rent caps.

L is for Licensing. This has been the big one throughout 2011. Licensed ARLA, Licensed NAEA, licensed landlords, licensed rental properties, and indeed, licensed this, that and the other. We expect to see more of this craze for licensing next year.

M is for Mortgages. No one wants to lend, but then no one wants to borrow either. It therefore shouldn’t really be a problem, but somehow it is.

N is for New Home Bonuses and also for Negative Equity. The former is meant to encourage the building of new homes whilst the latter may stop anyone moving into them.

O is for Ombudsman which (and full credit due) has spent this year trying to get letting agents recognised in law so that they have to belong to a redress scheme, where they would also have to obey certain codes. O also stands for Official, as in official house price surveys: the Land Registry and CLG surveys are both official even though they are miles, and thousands of pounds, apart.

P is for Mary Portas, who thinks estate agents should pay more attention to their particulars.

Q is for Queen of Shops, see P. We still think her hair is a peculiar shade of orange.

R is for RICS, whose net balances continue to amaze us. What do they mean? And why does a survey with so few estate agents participating, continue to have such credibility? Bank of England: take note. R is also for Review sites, which have set up in plenty this year. Agents will need a lot of convincing.

S is for SAFEagent, the brilliantly simple scheme which shows consumers which letting agents have client money protection insurance. It is such a good idea that it has received enthusiastic backing from absolutely everyone including the Government, charities and consumer groups – with just the odd exception. S is also for Sustainable which the Government insists is now the law – although it doesn’t expect to get round to defining what it actually means until next spring.

T is for Twitter, which probably serves some useful purpose, as otherwise so many people wouldn’t do it. Would they? T also stands for Terrorist – former estate agent Matthew Newton was convicted after being brainwashed.

U is for Under Offer, the fabulous spoof video starring a couple of fake agents plus Douglas & Gordon’s staff, which managed to send up the whole industry quite brilliantly (although some said it was rather shockingly close to what it really is like in London).

V is for Videos. See U.

W is for Which?, the consumer watchdog which has had another busy year, predictably investigating estate agents’ fees (too high) and letting agents’ fees (ditto). W is also for Writs, which surveyors have been getting a lot of in view of their pre-credit crunch valuations. W is also for David Watmuff, the estate and letting agency scamster, who has not been seen much recently. There is a reason for that but we can’t tell you. Not yet, anyway.

X is for Exeter (okay, that’s cheating) where an agency, Hot Homes, suddenly shut down in July with furious tenants and landlords taking to the internet to complain they were out of pocket. This was not, unfortunately, an isolated incident: when another agency, Thomas and Company Rentals, shut up shop in Milton Keynes, angry ex-clients set up a special ‘victims’ page on Facebook. X also stands for part-exchange (another slight cheat), without which developers would never be able to sell any of their properties.

Y is for Your Move, part of the seemingly unstoppable LSL group which has just added London agents Marsh & Parsons to its empire

Z is for Zoopla, without which we would not be able to complete this alphabet, so EAT selfishly hopes that the name won’t be lost when it merges, as expected in the New Year, with the Daily Mail’s portals, FindaProperty and PrimeLocation. The new combo plans to take on Rightmove big time, which could be very good news for agents, especially if they forget to put their prices up for a while.