25/06/10 - Kate's Anti-World Cup Blog - And Now for Something Completely Different

Believe it or not, the title up there isn't a reference to the fact that we won our game on Wednesday. I knew we would. It was all thanks to my last column, obviously. I celebrated our win by consuming enough Pimms to poison an elephant and wasn't feeling particularly proud of myself yesterday. But a win is good, it cheers me up, and so I thought it might be nice to... well... not mock the team too much today. We have another game on Sunday so I wont blabber on; I'll just pretend to be excited and continue to cheer us on in my own bizarre (drunken) way.

In the meantime, we've got a bit of a treat from a couple of contributers. My darling father, Tim Spalding, would like to say his piece, as would my darlng colleague, Patsy Gown, who wrote the following poem WEEKS ago but I've been hogging the limelight. My apologies, Patsy. But here are your fifeen minutes of fame, and the same for you, dad! Hope you're having fun in Cyprus, you lucky sod.


The following article was written by Tim Spalding. A legend in his own right.
P.S. I had to edit out some of the naughty words, pops. There are children present. You filthy old *%&$ ?@*&£!

So! As an old git who has weathered the storm and ridden the waves of life ever since that memorable day in 1966, when Geoff Hurst put the score beyond doubt in the last minute of extra time, I ask myself? I ask myself. Where the hell has true patriotism gone in that all English game of soccer? Todays vu-vus and St Georges flags swallowing up extra fuel consumption, flopping wildly from unworthy family saloons, are all about commercialism and not an OUNCE of patriotism. The art form of beautiful football has been hijacked by that 'all important' consumer hype stirred up by all the daily papers, not for the sake of football but for the sake of selling news. Are English football fans so thick that they can be taken in by all this 'John Terry revolt' rubbish in the same way that soap fans really believe that 6 murders per year in one street is actually a true reflection of real life!?

Football is FOOTBALL! It's like 'Boys Own' come true, where the country's finest players fight their hearts out for their country. It requires a Gung-Ho spirit of hot blooded effort by men similar (but not a patch on the effort of) to our soldiers and marines dying for a cause almost daily in Afghanistan right now.

So where am I going with this? Am I pro or anti World Cup soccer? It's a simple game really. You either win, draw or lose, but journalism and capitalism turns it into a 'life or death' drama, which is almost as important as to whether Jordan allows Pete to see the kids or not!

Sad thing is..... Footie is the loser. That pure and simple, beautiful game is the victim of ignorant journalists seeking to find a scoop!
So am I pro or anti the World Cup? It has to be anti because the beautiful game has been murdered. Oh, and because my lovely daughter picked me to be on her side.


And finally, to finish on a light note... some fine words from EAT's very own Patsy Gown.
She really means every word of this, too! (Believe me, it's scary how angry she gets...)

At last I know I'm not alone!
Someone else is in my zone
The thought of it fills me with dread
Makes me want to take to my bed
I wish that I could get away
It’s on the telly all flippin day
One topic of conversation dominates
On this subject I really hate (s)
I can’t understand the fuss at all
After all - its only a game of FOOTBALL!


You tell 'em, girlfriend!

I'll be back next week with my usual hideous banter. GO ENGLAND! (etc.)